8 Annoying Things Drunk People Do That Are Cute When I Do Them

 When Other People Do It:

This is so embarrassing for them. Do they know that other people can hear them? Like sweetie other humans can hear you saying that the guy from your freshman seminar not remembering your name is "the reason you need Feminism," dear god.

When I Do It:

Um hello Judith Butler is that you? Thank you for that crazy eloquent diatribe about why "reclaiming the term Feminazi" is actually the job of "Jewish Feminists everywhere". Especially that part when you accidentally spit a little really allowed for your passion to truly be absorbed by your dazzled audience.

When Other People Do It:

Please stop being so dramatic. It's a shot of alcohol not a shot to the head. Just throw it back and chill out.

When I Do It:

Oh my god, what a delicate petal of a tulip! I mean how can this girl, with that petite everyday woman body of an Ann Taylor Loft model, bravely stomach that Cinnamon Toast Crunch shot? I guess everyday heroes are more common than you think.

When Other People Do It:

Will somebody get them down from there?! This is completely mortifying to watch. Good luck explaining to your mother that you broke your neck standing on a bar stool trying to get the DJ to play "Come on Eileen".

When I Do It:

Um can you say adorkable? It's so refreshing to be able to enter a bar and know exactly who the quirkiest girl there is because she's standing on a teetering bar stool demanding that the DJ "check himself before he wrecks himself". Lol did she come up with that? Also is this Come On Eileen playing? God, I just love how she's different and doesn't care who knows it.

When Other People Do It:

Alright calm down, your freshman year roommate coming back from the bathroom does not warrant the same emotional response as a parade for a dog who saved a smaller dog from a fire. I mean the fakest thing you can do is hang all over the same person you reluctantly give a tight lipped smile to when you see them in the library. I mean seriously, save the theatrics for someone who's gonna buy a ticket.

When I Do It:

This is like watching the Friends series finale IRL. You can just really tell that there's more between them than what we see on screen.

When Other People Do It:

Would it be possible for them to maybe eat the mozzarella sticks one at a time? Or at least maybe not dissect the cheese and just eat the fried part because they convinced themselves that it's actually healthier that way.

When I Do It:

Oh I'm sorry- is this 1 dollar pizza place the new set of Gordon Ramsay's MasterChef Junior? Because this girl is both a gourmet visionary and angelically adorable! I mean ranch dressing generously garnished on a slice of pepperoni? Talk about a modern twist on a fan favorite!

When Other People Do It:

Ok we get it girl, you're not "some basic white girl" who "gets smashed off of two teeny glasses of Skinny Bitch chardonnay". But can you please trust us when we say that you're too drunk to ask Campus Safety to test out their new "sweet ass" golf cart that your tuition's "hundos are paying for".

When I Do It:

LOL, this girl is hilarious. I mean I know she's drunk but like the irony of her thinking that she's not is priceless. Is irony the right word? Whatever, I just can't get over her right now! And like tbh she doesn't even seem that drunk, I would totally let her drive whatever golf cart she wanted right now. Not that she would because she's like as responsible as Smokey the Bear tbhhhhhhhhhhhh

When Other People Do It:

How did this become our problem? I don't know how many times we can tell her that she's beautiful and amazing before we find a 24 hour CVS to leave her at.

When I Do It:

Oh my god, that poor Tulip from earlier has wilted! Who did this to her? I feel personally and genuinely invested in making sure that whoever did this to her pays big time like Taken-starring-Liam-Neeson big time. Not Taken 2; not Taken 3, it's gotta be the first Taken, the one people took seriously. This distinction is really important.

When Other People Do It:

Oh so she thinks she's better than everyone at this bar/party/mall food court? Well newsflash she's not. We're all here, we're all drunk, and we're all instagramming the same Panda Express cup filled with Blue Mountain Gatorade and Vodka.

When I Do It:

You know what, this girl is the most mature drunk here. I love how she's able to so accurately and cleverly judge every other sloppy person here while totally deflecting any sort of criticism from herself. She's kinda like that funny best friend in a rom com! You know the one? The girl who's good at cracking jokes but whose compulsion to push people away with criticism disguised as humor has caused her to become romantically stunted? You know the one? U KNOohhhhahahHAHAHAHAHhahhahahahhahalmaoooooo